I've lost my peace of mind.

There goes a year and a half of progress.

There are things I do that I sometimes wish I didn't, but I guess it's just who I am.

Second day of the new semester, and I'm alredy considering skipping class. hah. Demotivational syndrome at its finest.

I wish my brother would come back home. I miss him a wicked lot.

I think I say wicked far too often.

I found something I really want, but I know how those things always end up.

I'll get it eventually.

So I really do not want to spend $400. on books, but I don't really have much of a choice.

I need to go bowl. I wish I didn't have a problem with it. Wait, no, I take that back.

So in the time it took me to type this, I decided I'm not going to class today. Oh well.

It's my day off and I'm going to have a fun day, doing what I do every other day...spend it with babaay. <3

I love you to death...you keep me going. Thank you.

I had a wicked good night last night. Strange for a Monday...



<3
Manda

I'm taking pictures of everything to remind me of:
the
place
that's
so
perfect
for
me.

My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
all sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know.
They never take me anywhere but here.
Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
these strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say "I wanted it this way"
and wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

It hurts to think of where I'd be. It goes both ways..to its extremes.

I can't rid this feeling of redundancy and imbalance.

I should have nothing to complain about. Everything's what it should be...except me.

(audi) It was a hell of a time. So long, hope.

It's not that I'm worried.
I'm just nervous.
It's always been the way.
Homeostasis hurts.
Adaptation is difficult, yet easily achieved.
It's a matter of reaction and self-control.
I know this is what I want.
I'm just afraid of what I always fear.
Too much/not enough.
Stick around for a bit.
Give it time.
Give it effort.
Give it your all.
Promises are objectionable words.
None of that.
Not this time.
Not anymore.
Not if I can prevent it.

<3

Yeah, so I don't really know what to say.

I wish I could feel something.
I wish I could care about anything.
I wish I could shed a tear over something that matters
instead of crying for the bitter nostalgia.







You're not you..you're not you anymore.

If I could, just this once...

I think I subconsciously, yet purely unintentionally make myself sick.
I should probably find a way to avoid that.

There's a moment when it all makes sense.



I'm just "different", I suppose.

"Stop whacking off at the wheel, you stupid, fucking CUNT!"


haha, I love you so much.